now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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