She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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