Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
