I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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