Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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