I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They are going to name an STD after you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
