Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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