You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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