I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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