It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
