You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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