remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
