so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
