As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
