Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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