is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
