Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
