This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So squirting runs in the family.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize