You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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