I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
