ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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