You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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