Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
