My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
