Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
