Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love you. Go after that dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize