apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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