you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
