super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think I won the penis lottery.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
