It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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