Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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