there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
