i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
