It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
