the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
