He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
