u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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