East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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