Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
