You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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