drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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