She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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