I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
