If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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