my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
