im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize