id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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