tonight lets celebrate not being married
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So here I am, sexting at work.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize