pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize