When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
