i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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