if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
