he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
