Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
