when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
