Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
