Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
