This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
