So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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