I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The power of my boobs compel you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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