guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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