You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
