Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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