just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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