You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
