I should be sponsored by Trojan
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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