Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize