9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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