I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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