I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
