I can text with my tongue
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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