For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
